Writing Attempts - 4th Grade (w/ excerpt!)

Since right now it's all about the holidays and old memories, it made me think of my own writing experiences. This is going to be my elementary school version, and I might do another middle school post since I attempted (note the keyword here is "attempt") to write two stories during those periods.

Anyways, I'm including how much I managed to write of my story... all the way back in 4th grade. My attention span was so short back then that I only wrote a little more than 1 page. There went my dream of being an elementary school writer. It's pretty evident in the excerpt that my 4th and 5th grade years were my obsession times with the Redwall series by Brian Jaques. The fighting mice, kicking hares, and all-around valiant furry things? BRING IT ON. I recommend you try them at least once in you life. Redwall had the perfect combination of animals (can you imagine my email and username for neopets then was "animallover36912" or named after my many stuffed animals?) and fantasy. Seriously, I had a competition with this other guy in my class about who could read more in one day. Intense, I tell you.

Anyways, here's the excerpt. Unedited, untitled, and unbelievably cheesy. But I guess it was the best my underdeveloped brain could do, lol. Try not to laugh too hard!


Biiiiing! All the vermin in the Seawater camp heard the noise as a sword fell point first on a shield that was in front of a ferret named Weedskull and was still quivering. It was the most magnificent sword he and the camp had ever set eyes on! As the sun reflected off it, it shone like a star on a dark night. At the end of the golden handle there was a beautiful gem the color of dark red silk. He reached to pick it up, when an arrow came whizzing out of the bushes. It struck his footpaw and he jumped up startled. Then went into his tent and sat nursing his injured footpaw. Just then a weasel named Whishwat came out of his tent. He was tall and strong built weasel with cold blue eyes. He wore brass earrings and a fine blue velvet coat.

As the strongest of the camp and the leader strode in front of the his tribe and said fearlessly, “ I am the leader of the Seawater tribe. I am the most skilled with the blade than any one.”

A loud and clear voice of a female came out of the bushes, “ Tut tut, such vermin should not brag.”

Whishwat said, “ Says who? I can do what I want! And if you think it’s not true, then I challenge you to a one against one battle this afternoon at the same spot I stand right now. You can take as many weapons and any kind of weapon.” He paused to throw the sword in the bushes and went on, “ Say your answer now, bush coward!”

The voice answered him, “ That is fine with me. You were looking for a battle and you’ve got one!”

When the owner of the arrow was gone, the sword with him and out of hearing range, Whishwat exclaimed so loud that even the farthest away vermin could hear, “ This place is Springwater Forest to answer all your questions, also we are not lost. But know about that bush coward. Today that beast will take his last breath, for I am going to make him have long sleep this afternoon that will last forever.” A few evil sniggers greeted this idea. Then Whishwat continued, “ You are all allowed to witness the battle but can not fight unless I shout seawater. For I want him to see my power and then he will never come here again. Because he won’t be able to! He will remember the name Whishwat forever! ” At this, the camp began chanting, “ Whishwat the Horrible! Whishwat the Horrible! Whishwat the Horrible!” and didn’t stop until Whishwat silenced them all with his sword that was even longer than the one belonging to the beast in the bushes and with a wave of his sword sent them off scurrying to do the tasks he had ordered yesterday. Fixing ships, checking for leaks, the vermin did their tasks heartily while singing an old sailor song.

Oh, sail away me hearty,
To the open sea
Where everyone is free,
And no worries
Oh, that is the place to be
For vermin like me!
Oh, that is the place to be
For vermin like me!!!!

But no one noticed that a pair of dark brown eyes was watching them the whole time and the beast that was watching flew away before any one could find him.

Seven feet away from the good-humored vermin camp there was a big hollow pear tree. It was spring, and the flowers were in full bloom. The tree was a pretty sight and looked liked it was full of happiness on the outside. But inside, it was filled with all different creatures with their thinking caps tightly on about the situation that Waterlily; the otter in the bushes who had to face Whishwat in combat. There were otters, mice, hares, squirrels, moles, shrews, hedgehogs, and three badgers. There also were three rooms, one was a big room which they happened to be sitting at right now, with a fireplace, lots of comfortable chairs with cushions (three extra large ones for the badgers), a giant table, paintings hanging on the wall, a humongous rug, two doors (each one leading to another room), and a window that was in the shape of an oval, it was considered the most comfortable room of the three. Another room was a bedroom and a special place in the room was used to treat sicknesses and wounds. It had tons of beds, a circle window, and a small cabinet that stored the medicine and bandages. And the last room was the kitchen. In it there was a stove, a couple of cabinets to store the dishes and bowls, and a sink. No one ever discovered it because it was hidden so well in the deep thicket of the forest. This place was called Sky Fort, because all the birds seemed to know the hospitality there and always flew there for a rest. The slogan for the Sky Fort was value kindness and treat hate with spite. Then, a peck on the window interrupted everyone. All the babes (the really young ones) jumped out of their skins and everyone started to say, is that the vermin? Had someone evil found their hide out?

Bronze, a badger and the eldest shouted above all the chaos,“ That is probably only a bird pecking on the window!”

Immediately, every one stopped their talking and watched Bronze walk to the window and open it. The moment he did, an owl named Moonlight came hopping in. It was a snow white one and looked very important.

After it got it settled it announced to everyone, “I was spying on Whishwat and his ugly tribe. Whishwat has this sword longer than yours and when he was talking to that beast in the bushes and said that he was most skilled with the blade, I don’t think he was joking.” //end

Don't you love that brilliant song in the middle? ;)

Any embarassing writing attempts you want to share? Or any elementary school reading/writing experiences you find funny now?